World Wide Product Announcement
ATLANTA, GA-January 11, 1998 -- After nine months of intense development, White & White are proud to announce the launch of their product line with the introduction and release of the Christopher John-Henry.
FEATURES
The Christopher John-Henry represents the current state of the art, including such advanced features as a neural-network-based central processing unit (CPU), short- and long-term on-line data storage (memory), and a self-learning, self-teaching operating system with automatic heuristic development, error detection, and error correction. Because of government anti-trust actions, web browser functionality has been unbundled from the Christopher John-Henry operating system.
The Christopher John-Henry also comes equipped with a variety of peripherals including two five-digit manipulators which can also function as small arithmetic processing units (APUs); an input port that will accept data in liquid formats (solid formats are under development); two output ports for liquid and solid data formats; one variable-volume, variable-pitch audio output device (no SoundBlaster compatibility); two audio input devices with 20-20,000 Hz frequency response and voice-recognition functions; two analog video input devices which may be used independently or combined for stereo vision tasks; and self-propulsion.
The initial operating system shipped with the Christopher John-Henry is primitive, and will require a good deal of instruction from the end user. Fortunately, most end users find this instruction process very self-rewarding. As the neural network becomes more adept at simple tasks, the operating system rapidly becomes capable of self-modification, resulting in a greatly increased rate of development. During this time, the operating system will devise and conduct numerous experiments, some of which may be hazardous or otherwise undesirable. When the unit enters this mode, the TIMEOUT and SPANK debuggers may prove useful for correcting the problem.
DIAGNOSTICS
CRY, an audible alarm indication, is triggered upon input queue underflow or output queue overflow. As the operating system accumulates more data, it eventually develops automatic input and output queue length regulation. SMILE, a visible alarm indication, is triggered upon underflow or overflow rectification, and also as a general sign of the unit's proper functioning. BURP, another audible alarm, indicates successful processing of available input.
OPERATIONAL NOTES
When the video input peripherals are covered, this indicates that the unit is in its idle loop, used for automatic recharging. Initial recharging periods are short and irregular, but gradually they become regular, lasting for approximately 8 of every 24 hours. Termination of recharging mode may raise the CRY alarm condition.
After initial unpacking, the unit will require input every two to three hours. After input processing has been completed, one or both output devices may be activated. Presence of output may be signalled by the CRY alarm condition.
CAUTION
The appearance of the unit, which reflects the current state of the art in exterior packaging, may cause irrational behavior in adults. This behavior is typified by "oohs", "aahs", and incomprehensible utterances commonly referred to as "baby talk".
SPECIFICATIONS
AVAILABILITY
The prototype Christopher John-Henry unit began functioning at 11:08pm EST today.
STATUS
The production staff are well and happy and looking forward to getting some rest!