Another copy of A.N.Wilson’s Tuesday column In the Daily Telegraph. "Webmaster"

 Hi! And welcome to the web site number 11. This is the Web site which is already more popular than Web site Vatican, or Web site Buckingham palace.

Already you will have learnt how in three short strides, Our leader has extended his own absolute power in Britain’s best interests. First , by transforming a dead shell into the New Party. Then breathing new life into Modern Britain. Then- in Holland- he forged a new Europe. Already France has followed his lead though many French people regretted that it was not yet possible under the antiquated voting system for them to vote for Our Leader direct.

 New party, New Britain, New Europe. But our leader is always ahead of the game, and even as Europe fell to his sway, he’d gone global. The visit of President Bill Clinton marked a historic new phase in New Britain . When Our Leader, with Cherie, Bill, and Hillary, set off for dinner in one of the most glittering restaurants in London, the nation felt a great injection of hope. This continued throughout the day. Everyone felt a spring in their step, to know these smart, young people were at the helm. While Cherie and Hillary visited the Globe Theatre, Bill addressed the Cabinet. There were many photo opportunities in the gardens of Number Ten.

Of course there will always be whingers won’t there? The small minded people. The people who want to hold back Modern Britain from her thrusting, new, exciting world role.. A newspaper asked why the Queen had not been asked whether she would like to see the president privately. " During the 1988 Nato Summit, President Reagan was pleased to have tea at Buckingham Palace. Mr Bush on his visit in 19…." Yes, but Lilibet , Look. We’re not going back to those days. If you want to know why Our Leader did not bell you, it’s because it did not cross his mind. Any more than he thought of contacting Tony Benn and offering him a Cabinet post. If you were sitting there watching the clock tick from four to five, while your flunkey’s poured out Earl Grey, Your Leader is sorry, but he had more important things to do with Bill.

 Bill and Our Leader kicked around some great ideas. They’ve come up with a New Deal for Britain. Like to know what it is ? 

1. Britain apologises unreservedly for the Irish Famine. If you want to know more click on your IRISH VOTES ( American) icon, or in your EUROPEAN basket you’ll find a list of EU Leaders who can most easily be " bought " by Our Leader. He apologises for the famine of the 1840s. But he would like to say that they were caused by 18 long years of Tory mismanagement, and by the dependency culture.
2. As Margaret was telling Our Leader recently, the State doesn’t owe anyone a living. And Our Leader hopes you’re reading this, Lilibet. Because what’s true of Young Mums on State benefit is also true of Old Mums on State benefit.

It is simply no longer acceptable that young women should stay at home nursing babies when they could be out doing useful work for Britain. Only this week there is one young Mum, whose name is Cherie, who is fighting Britain’s corner by defending lesbian partners entitlement to the same travel discounts as other wives of South-West Trains employees. Cherie did not stay at home and expect handouts. Nor should members of the non-working class. President Bill has told Our Leader that he has created literally hundreds of single mothers and he does not intend to pay for a single one of them. 

3. This applies especially to you, Cabinet colleagues. It is very important, so please pay attention. Any remarks made by you in future, whether in public or in private, must be cleared first by Peter or Alistair. We simply can’t afford to have the spectacle of a divided party. The Excalibur computer at the New Party’s multimedia Millbank complex is already being deployed against the dissidents, so you have been warned. Don’t say anything, until you have cleared it with the Leader. It is very easy. If you think of an "idea" simply access Excalibur, or Web site number 11. Tap in your idea, and your own computer will tell you whether it is compatible. Alternatively, check in the CD-ROM version of Margaret Thatcher’s " The Years of Power". You’ve all been issued with a copy. Read it..