Further news from the A.N. Wilson column in The Daily Telegraph

Hi! You’re on line to Web site number 11. You’re in touch with a super-fit, suntanned leader, a young leader, who has returned from his holiday like a giant refreshed. The photographs in the newspapers said it all, frankly. Some people had predicted that the French would be "indifferent" to his visit. There had been talk of hostility. Those cynics have had to eat their words as they watched the ecstatic crowds in the French streets; as they saw more than one million people swarm onto a racecourse to catch a glimpse of Our Leader, and as they witnessed the huge numbers who took their farewell of him at the airport, praying that it was just "Au Revoir" and not "Adieu".

A very moving moment was when men and women of all ages formed A "Chain of Brotherhood" by holding hands around the entire perimeter of the town where Our Leader was staying.

"A Chain of Brotherhood" is a good phrase. That is what Our Leader made in Britain when he began the difficult process of reforming the Party. By introducing One Member One Vote, Our Leader has made You the People part of that Chain. Millions of you have accessed this Web site in the past two weeks, imploring him to come home. Without him, things were falling into chaos.

OK. Let’s admit it. This was partly true. Some of the Ministers you singled out for abuse are on probation. But before Our Leader explains that to you, he would like to knock on the head the "silly season" stories which have been circulating about some of his rich friends giving money to the Party.

Let’s be frank. Without an efficient spin doctor and a brand new party machine, Our Leader would never have been elected to do all the wonderful things for you, the People, which he has accomplished in the past few months, So – OK. Swraj Paul, an industrialist, has given more than £50,000 per annum to the new Party. Ruth Rendell has given over £10,000. David Sainsbury has made "substantial" contributions, and so has

Michael Montague, the head of the English Tourist Board. These millionaires, who very much represent the grass roots of New Party support, have, understandably been rewarded with seats in the House of Lords. The idea that this is "cash for coronets" is contemptible rubbish. We in the new Party are not afraid of success, or enterprise, or rewards for hard work. We are going to use the skill and enterprise of these very clever, very rich people to help you.

Some of you have expressed concern about Clare Short’s remarks concerning the island of Montserrat, Clare has a reputation for "shooting her mouth off". We brought her into the Government to stop her saying that we weren’t spending enough on the poor. We asked her to implement a perfectly sensible and humane policy on the island of Montserrat: either the islanders should stay where they are and be covered with volcanic dust, or they should accept, as their payment to emigrate, one quarter of Ruth Rendell’s annual contribution to the Party. (Or, to put it another way, the price of one of Cherie’s suits.) There were plenty of ways of making this sound humane and caring, Clare, without accusing the people of Montserrat of clamouring for golden elephants. Peter could have helped you frame a statement in which, while holding the previous Tory administration responsible for the volcanic eruptions, you could say that we were bringing off a triumph for Britain by offering to evacuate the island. It’s very sad for you, personally, Clare, because you will probably never live this down; when you get up, from the back benches, to ask for more spending on the poor your voice will be drowned by a chorus shouting " Golden elephants".

This summer there have been other Ministers who have displeased the People. That is why Our Leader is so grateful to be in touch with The People through the Web site. You have expressed your fears to him about Mo. Mowlam’s handling of the Irish question, about John Prescott’s robust sense of humour, and about Frank Dobson’s suggested withdrawal of tobacco sponsor ship from sporting events. (Well that’s been postponed). Our Leader just wants you to know that your fears and concerns have been noted. Don’t worry. He is back. The Silly Season is over, and that’s official.