Hi! YOU’VE surfed the net – Or if One’s honest, One’s heard others talking about surfing the Net – and you’ve landed on the hottest, hippest site in Cyberspace!! Some of you older ones, who think that the world has been changing so fast that you couldn’t keep up, have told Our Leader that they have never known a week like it.

Lillibet, you are just one of thousands who have accessed this site in the past couple of days to express your gratitude to Our Leader. You asked him not to keep "blabbing" (your words not his!) about private communications. You even told him (with your usual unflappable wit) that you have had 10 prime ministers, and not one of them had disclosed details of their weekly meetings. Until Our Leader!

But, you know, frankly, Lillibet, this letter which you sent to Our Leader was really meant for a wider audience. That’s why Peter, the Satchiis, Paul and Marigold, Carla, were all asked for their input before you pressed the "send" button on your laptop. "Dear Tony", you wrote – "Phillip & I would like to put on record the great debt of gratitude we, in common with all your subjects, feel for the celebration of our Golden Wedding. It is only a few weeks since we were reading headlines in Rupert’s papers which suggested unease in some quarters about the role of modern monarchy.

"It is sometimes difficult to read signals given by the press. But, we felt that "Liz? Cantcha Take A Hint?" and "Off With Their Heads!" – to choose but two headlines in the Times – suggested unease and "Let Wills Have A Go, Ma’am!" and "Your Son’s A Right Charlie" also suggested that we were possibly out of touch with the current trends of thinking on this ambiguous question.

"A poll conducted by the News of the World suggested that the Monarchy was at the lowest ebb of it’s popularity since records began in the reign of Ethelred the Unready. "Last week, we almost felt afraid to step out of the Abbey for our traditional walkabout, so unpopular had we become. "We need not have worried. The crowds, who came to salute Our Leader and Cherie, allowed Phillip and myself a small part in their joy. You. Our Leader, shook hands and waved, while wee took the modest role which you have assigned to us in New Britain.

"At the banquet you placed us near to some very interesting guest, including a welder, a policewoman and a sports personality. We both acknowledge with deep gratitude what you said about Our being the Best of British. Without you, the Monarchy could never rate anywhere, frankly, on the Popularity Charts. With Our Leader we look forward to serving in some small capacity in the years to come.

"Elizabeth

"PS. We thought you promised not to leak’ to the papers the idea that Buckingham Palace and KP were to be made into museums? Oh well. It’s said now. Can’t be helped.

So, you see, it isn’t just the thirty-fortysomething Chardonnay drinking classes who admire Our Leader. That’s just cynical rubbish, frankly. Just to give you an example. During the Formula One row, it was revealed that Our Leader was great friends with Max. A lotta oldie contacted this site with memories of Max’s Dad.

"Gor bless yer. You’re the kind of leader we’ve been wanting down Bethnal Green since Nineteen Bleedin’ Fur-Tee Foive" is one message from Alf. His wife, Flo, remembers joining the women’s branch of their equivalent of the Modernisers. She has memories of marching through the streets singing "Raise aloft the Standard! The Leader marching before us! Close up the ranks and join the chorus of a British battle song!"

Thanks, Flo, and to many others of you who like Our Leader’s style. Like the way he’s smashed the Left once and for all. Cut money to the scroungers and wastrels, people from the North.

This is a Great Movement. Don’t listen to the cynics. Frankly, they make Our Leader very angry. And hurt. The easiest thing in politics is to say "Yes". That’s why when Robert Earl e-mailed Our Leader and offered him £1 million, he said, "Yes, Yes, Yes!". That’s why "No" is the word that Harriet must learn to say to Lone Mums; "No" is the word that Frank must say to the hospitals; and, for as long as the polls are against it, that’s why Gordon is going to have to say "No" to a single currency.

But, whatever happens, Keep Faith In Our leader. And – with a final word of sympathy to the people of Australia at this very tragic time – Welcome to Wherever You Are