Hi ! YOU KNOW, it’d take more than a hurricane to stop Our Leader flying home from his traditional well-deserved break in a millionaires’ paradise. The Seychelles, by the way, were great. Our leader and Cherie found La Digue an ideal place to recharge their batteries. They got down to some of those things that had been on the back burner for the past few months. Like who’s to be the new Bishop of Liverpool. As you know, Our Leader turned down the Church of England’s first two choices. Cherie, a Liverpool girl, does not see why there should be a Protestant Liverpool bishopric in any case. It would certainly make a lotta sense for the two plants to merge. And this is something Our Leader’s working on.

This did not stop Our Leader and the kids slotting in some valuable quality time together during the schedule, with tennis, swimming, and scuba-diving. Our Leader is absolutely determined that as people’s kids in a booming Britain, his children should have just the same sort of upbringing, just the same sort of opportunities as any other royal kid. He happens to think it is important that the other kids in Britain have someone to look up to. That’s why David was able to announce cuts of unemployment pay to youngsters who have not managed to find a job within six weeks of leaving school. And he did so just as Our Leader and his kids were flying through some of the worst storms on record. Flying for Britain. Landing for Britain. A bravura performance, with only a brief stop-over in Nairobi. Frankly, Our Leader’s talk with President Moi was a bit of a waste of time. Robin really must brief these foreign "dignitaries" better or we’ll have the Queen-in India fiasco all over again. Moi’s question "Tell me how you wangled all those votes – was it just by lying or did you have to use bribes?" was downright offensive, frankly.

It was a good job to get home and find at long last some loyalty from the backbenchers being expressed in a letter to the Independent. As Our Leader often reminds his new friend the editor of the Daily Mail, he can’t stand the Independent, actually. But it was good to see Ted, Ken, Michael, and even Chris writing to say that Conservatives will "support Our Leader in making the right decisions on the difficult challenges which lie ahead".

Some of those who signed the letter probably have very firm ideas about what the "right decisions" will be. But our leader can make up his own mind about that, and in his own time, thank you very much. Our Leader’s presidency of Europe gives him and Britain, a golden opportunity. To stamp his own very particular style on Our Partners.

It’s paying off in Ireland. When Our Leader took over in May, he told the Irish in no uncertain terms: join the Settlement Train or else. He happens to think that was the right policy. And the tough policy. Once again, as with the Liverpool bishopric, Cherie’s input was invaluable. When Our Leader shook hands with Gerry Adams and the other IRA leaders, he was delivering a clear message to the Unionists. Put up or shoot – correction – shut up. That’s the king of guy he is, and that’s the kinda language these guys over there respect, frankly. So Mo’s not going to be deflected by a few adverse comments in the " loony fringe". There’s one quite simple reason why the Irish have never settled their differences. That is they’ve never had an English leader prepared to tell them firmly enough what to do. Well, now they have.

The same is true for the Government’s parenting directive. Jack’s learnt his lesson. He will be putting in six months at parenting skills classes. But there is no question of his resignation. He’s admitted that it was not easy to telephone Our Leader and tell him what had happened. But Our Leader is a family man. And he made no attempt to keep Jack’s name out of the papers. Or to "gag" the press.

Peter, incidentally, was able to call on the Straws and wish them well from Our Leader. William Straw, the lad who landed us in this mess, frankly, was very apologetic. To show how sorry he was, he’d gone to the trouble of preparing Peter some snacks before he went off to address a dinner at Walt Disney World on the subject of the Dome.

You’ll all have read some of the things that Peter said at that dinner. He told them at Walt Disney that he could see a Giant Doughnut winking at him, and asking, you know, like, man, the really deep questions. Like, you know, who are we? And then deeper down in the doughnut, what are we?

Deep questions from a great guy. Britain’s kinda guy.