Hi! YOU'RE online. Which means you're in touch. With Our Leader. Which. Frankly, is more than can be said for Some of our Cabinet colleagues.

If some of those guys around the Cabinet table - you know - could read the literally hundreds of messages which reach Our Leader on this site, they would…Look. And all these messages are saying the same thing. They are from you, the People who elected Our Leader. You, who chose him. You, who for years have been yearning for our Leader to modernise our society, modernise our politics.Modernise the way we live. Modernise the way we are governed. Every day the messages pour in. They are begging Our Leader, imploring him, to do something about the damage which Cabinet colleagues are inflicting. On Him, Our Leader. On the few steadfast colleagues who are loyal to him. And to you, the People.

You have all been wishing for a long time, that Our Leader would do something to curb the powers of Gordon. Since you swept Our Leader to power last may, Gordon has been showing some very considerable psychological flaws. The press leaks which he has authorised have just been silly, frankly. Of course, Our Leader has had to counter them with various suggestions. Without making any suggestion that Gordon was gay - and, after all it is a very good thing to be gay - it seemed only right to remind the People that Gordon had never held down a stable relationship with a woman.

It as also absolutely vital to remind the People that Gordon was a seething mass of resentments against Our Leader, How else could Our Leader have stooped Gordon from building up his Westminster power base? Gordon has been interfering in every government department. In Health. In Education. In Frank and Harriet's vital work dismantling a very unmodern welfare system. All these things, he claims, are affected by the Treasury.

The trouble is that Gordon's expansionist fantasies have been distracting the People's attention away from some of the Government's really great achievements. Things which have been done by Our Leader's friends, Peter's Dome, for instance. Or Derry's sure grasp of the political climate - his comparison of himself to Wolsey, his great new ideas for restoring his apartments. True, Out Leader had to take Derry to task for his tough stance on the privacy law. That was a matter for Our Leader and Derry. No need for anyone else to get in on the act.

Derry was kind enough to say that if such a privacy law had been in existence, it would have been unnecessary for anyone to leak the story of Robin's personal tragedy. Alastair would never have been forced to bell Robin at Heathrow and give him the choice: downgrade Margaret or resign. Of course, it is nothing less than a personal tragedy for Robin that he is described in the press as the most articulate "Left-wing" opponent of Our Leader. But for Robin to try to humiliate Derry, by saying that he did not object to press coverage of his marriage breakdown, was quite frankly, pathetic.

That's why so many of you have messaged this site, saying Look. Please. Negotiations have failed. It's time t get tough with these people. And while you're about it, take out some of the disaster areas such as "Golden Elephants" Short and replace her with the very popular Liz Symons, who thinks along the same lines as Our Leader.

This week, you've all seen the kinda guy Our Leader is. A troubleshooter. A saviour, frankly. Ask Bill. A fortnight ago, they were talking about the President being impeached for his personal tragedies. Then Our Leader and Cherie flew into Washington. Now well over half the American people support their President again. In exchange for this important work, Bill has offered to take over the running of the Irish Peace Process.

One day it was Washington. The next, it was Scarborough. That's the kinda guy you have to deal with. Saddam learnt who was boss. Then it as the turn of the Labour-dominated councils who still persist - and in Our Leader's view, wickedly - in sticking to a Left-wing agenda. And his message to them all is the same - to Saddam, to the loony-Left councils, and to the Cabinet. It's that all this has gotta stop, quite frankly.

Because the People have had enough. There is a yearning out there in the hearts of ordinary guys and ordinary women for a Cabinet reshuffle. You all want Peter to start a new department to oversee the work of other colleagues and to make sure that Our Leader's will is carried out. One thing is clear: we just can't go on as we are.,