Further news from the A.N. Wilson column in The Daily Telegraph

Hi! Or rather, high! Sky high! That’s Our leader. That’s his ratings. In the popularity stakes. In the world. And, yes. In the history books. For those of you who still need convincing, just take a look at those polls. Never in the history of the world has there been such a Leader.

In a speech last week, Our leader said that we were in the "post-euphoria, pre-delivery" stage. But, you know, the numbers of you who accessed this site after that speech were just flabbergasting.

You all said – No, no, no! The euphoria goes on! We are not in a post-euphoria stage. Up here in the clouds of New Labour, the high continues. And colleagues were able to say to Our Leader : " A little bit less of the pre-delivery please, Tony."

Because, you know. Your Leader has delivered. Peace in Ireland. Peace in the Middle East. Crime halved. One old lady on a housing estate in Sedgefield – a place in the North of England - said: "For the first time, I feel safe to go out at night."

That’s not all. Nursery school places – tripled. A-Level results – better than ever. Teachers – happier. And that is just in the private sector of education alone. It’s the same story in the NHS. Nurses cheered Frank Dobson to the rafters last week.

But, you know, politics isn’t about getting things done. It isn’t just a shopping list of achievements, great as Our Leader’s achievements have been: a rebranded, popular monarchy, popular for the first time in history; a booming economy – again a British first; an updated Radio 4, with the favourites maintained – Libby Purves – and some of the frankly dead wood cut out. These are real achievements.

But it isn’t, as he says, just a question of making lists. No what happened last year on Leader Day was that Britain changed. It’s something in the atmosphere. You could put it down to Our Leader’s great choice of friends; men like Derry, Rupert, Bernie, and above all Bill set their stamp on the kinda Britain we all wanted. One where a lotta the tired old institutions, particularly Parliament, were sidetracked and some of the really tough decisions could be made. Where It’s At. In Our Leader’s very own Oval Office at No 11.

So, although the "Red Ken" factor tried to make trouble about Derry’s so-called extravagances, Our Leader made no apologies at all wallpaper that cost more per roll than a nurse’s pay for a week. And though the backbench MPs wanted to ban tobacco advertising. Our Leader, while sharing their very real concerns, preferred to talk to someone who knew about these things – Bernie.

He’s proud that he was able to do Rupert a good turn by passing on information he’d got from a private telephone conversation with the Italian prime minister, thereby saving Rupert, and his businesses, many millions of dollars.

And yes, he’s proud that he was able to distract media attention away from Bill’s personal tragedies by lining up with Bill and the "hawks", ready to bomb Baghdad and hand over Belfast to Sinn Fein, As a further help to Bill, Our Leader is proud to say that he was able to accept many millions of tons of nuclear waste from eastern Europe which will be given, in a gesture of goodwill, to the people of Scotland.

In all those cases, Our Leader has shown himself to be tough. Independent. And above all, to be putting Britain’s interests first.

But we musn’t be complacent. There’s still a lot to do. And it’s not, as Our Leader says, just what do we do – it’s who we are. How we feel about ourselves. After just one year, we are all feeling cleaner, fitter, stronger. But wouldn’t it be just great if, on Leader day 1999, we could all feel purer , too ?

And that’s why Our leader supports 100 per cent, the campaign by Lynne Jones, MP for Birmingham Selly Oak, to keep children virgins until their wedding day. With modern obstetric techniques, incidentally, there’s no reason why this should not continue beyond the wedding day as well, and still produce a healthy population.

When Harriet steps down after a year at Social Security. Our Leader is gonna get her to head a task force. As minister for women, her target will be Zero Tolerance for sex.

He promises you, Richard Branson is coming in with sponsorship to make the next year Virgin Year. Come fly with us. No one wants to be judgmental about the past. Robin you’ve had your personal tragedies. So has Bill. But from now on, No Sex Please We’re British. You can see it in our smiles. God bless.